5 Ways To Discipline Your Kids Without Yelling

I feel blessed at times when I see my kids obeying and listening to me now. No they were not like this always and they still are very very naughty and do all kind of monkey businesses you could ever imagine from kids of their age. Surprised?

And because I fall in the category of "twiniversity", mine come with double the naughtiness and craziness I can handle at a time.

And like all other parents I too get to see tantrums, fights, crying and what not.


I still remember, less than an year ago, the constant demand for things they knew they cannot have was what it started with and ended up with them being cranky, whining or even writhing on the floor and crying out loud in the mall.

And before I knew I would already be yelling on them.

But the last 1 year has shown me a lot of side effects of yelling on kids. And after successfully trying not to yell on them, I can actually see a difference in both me as well as the kids.

Its surprising that all of us have started behaving with maturity after following a no-yelling environment at home. And by mature I mean seeing kids and myself respecting each other,  handling panicky situations with ease, sharing happily, listening to each other with patience and being calm.

These 5 practices: respect, sharing, patience, discipline and being calm; look very simple but have made a huge difference in my perspective and practice of raising kids, be it single or multiples.

According to Psychotherapist and Author Alyson Schafer, if yelling is used as the main form of discipline, it diminishes your child's sense of self esteem.

"Yelling occasionally does not damage your kids" according to psychotherapist Dr. Jim Hutt but it is still not a good strategy of disciplining your child or getting good behaviour.

Yelling shuts down your kid's logical thinking and activates their fight or flight response.

"When we yell at a kid, his brain stops processing information instantly. So he cannot understand why his behaviour was inappropriate, because his system is shut down already.

At this point in time the only thing they understand is what they see. When parents raise their voice or hand, it teaches the child to do the same when they are upset. So if we hit they hit, if we yell they yell and if we are calm, they learn to be calm" says Dr Hutt.

At some point or the other we tend to lose our temper, but following these simple steps from the experts would help you stop yelling on your kids and instill good behaviour in your kids.

1. Self Control

You can control your temper only if you really want to do it. This means you need to always always and always keep in mind, "come what may, I am not going to yell on the kids. Am going to find a solution to the situation and handle things without being aggressive."

2. Lead by example and learn to apologise

We are all human beings so it is acceptable to make mistakes. Ironically, we teach our kids to apologise if they are wrong but fail to accept our own mistakes and apologise.

Lead by example.

If you lost temper on your kid, apologise immediately. Tell her that you are sorry and that you should have controlled your emotions. And then tell her where she was wrong, her brain will process the information easily when you accept your mistake and talk politely.


3. Ignore tantrums and remain calm

Your kid asks for crisps for breakfast and she won't take "no" for an answer. She is probably thinking "If I cry and scream, mom-dad might give in" As she cries and yells you lose your temper and yell at her.

Kids consider themselves powerful when they cry and get things done. They try and get a reaction from you, whatever type of reaction it may be.

Try keeping yourself busy in your chores and ignore the child's cries and tantrums.

Not paying attention to the child at all would refrain you from getting angry.

It is understandable that some things are easier said than done, but trust me this is a tried and tested technique.

This gives your kids the impression that in such a situation, mommy or daddy is the one in power.

They might try the tantrum game a couple of times, but if they don't get any reaction, they would stop.

I followed the same thing with my twins and benefitted in 2 ways:

* I stopped yelling and

* They almost stopped throwing tantrums.







4. Address the behaviour, give your child alternatives

Do you yell or spank your child when he falls down while learning to cycle? Misbehaving, tantrums, yelling etc are perfectly normal kid behaviours. What we need to understand is the need to mould that behaviour into the right kind of behaviour.

Instead of saying "Don't you know how to behave", "Don't do this", "No hitting" try saying "Please mind your words", "Lets try doing this rather than that", "Please keep your hands to yourself".

When you say "No hitting", the child does not get any information about what he/she should be doing alternatively. He might opt to ignore your instructions or do an alternative which is equally bad.

If you catch your child after the incident, instead of yelling "Don't you know how to behave", tell her "It's not a good thing to hurt your friends/siblings. And we should apologise when we do something wrong.".

Its not surprising that the child might not be willing to apologise.

This is the time when you should not give in to her adamant behaviour and tell her that she should apologise or the play time is over.


5. Understand that mistakes are opportunities to learn

Using bad behaviour as an opportunity to learn not only gives your child the understanding about what is wrong and what it right, it also empowers her with alternatives. This could prove to be very helpful in future when you are not around.

Avoid lecturing kids. Cite past examples to remind them example, "Do you remember when you fell off the cycle and bumped your head? If you hit someone, it hurts the same way."

But if you see them handle a situation nicely, do not forget to praise them.

Giving positive attention is a great way of teaching kids and improving bad behaviour.

After-all, children love getting attention and they are likely to repeat the same behaviour to get your attention again.

Though everything written in this article, if followed with sincerity should give positive results but sometimes no matter how hard we try, sometimes we slip and yell. And that is okay, as long as we know how to make it right.

Copyright © 2016 Twinny Lives All rights reserved. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material and images without express and written permission from this blog's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Twinny Lives with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.