The Loss of A Loved One

It is true, some people come in our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. But when they leave, we are never ever the same. They are so important in our lives that living without them feels incredibly incapacitating.

Since childhood I had been very close to my paternal grandmother. She was more than a mother to me. The first person I saw after waking up in the morning, to being the last person I saw before falling asleep at night. She was my world. The one who brought me up, who taught me to be me, who taught me to stand up for myself and the one who stood by me in every situation. 

Losing her

was the biggest shock of my life, one that I am yet to overcome, even after 11 years of her passing away. The very thought of not being able to see her, not being able to care for her or talk to her in the last moments of her life kills me. 

Not able to accept that she is gone, I have walked to my school and back home numerous times in the hope that I will get to see her walking besides me one last time. The same way as she used to walk with me when I was a kid. I've broken down a thousand times when all my hopes to see her again, shattered. 

My tears and years of living in pain taught me to believe on one thing, that what I am trying to cope up with, is not a loss but a change. I have learnt that all this while I have been trying to resist change. The change, that my grandma is not a part of this material world anymore, that she might not be a human being anymore but she does exist in the world somehow. 

She exists in my memories. She exists in my feelings. She exists in my nature and in my soul, for she is the one who taught me morals and values. She exists in everything that i have learnt from her. 

This has made it easier for me to accept the reality. 

When we lose someone we love, it distorts our universe and our peace of mind. There is a past that we always want to go back into, for that is the place that gives us a peace of mind. A place where there is no reality check.  

We lose ourself in the grief of what we have lost. The only way to cope from such a trauma is to change ourselves. Nothing can bring our loved ones back, nothing can change the present. Rather we should move forward, so that it becomes easier for us to accept change.

In the end though we are only left with memories of our loved ones and some dreams which seem so real and vivid. We should never stop cherishing them because it is God's way of bringing our loved ones back to us, even if it is for a minute.


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